Wandering Mind Written Down

(start)  “Time” becomes self aware and understands that just like anything, it’s also a living thing, even if it has existed for a long time.  “Time” realizes that it too will have to come to an end and begins to fear the inevitable.  (end)  “Time” decides to figure out a way to avoid its demise before it’s too late.

I am and always have been.  I was either created, formed or somehow came to be.  What I do know is that nothing was around and things came to be.  I watched darkness just like I now watch light and every instance along the way has been majestic! 

My domain has been that of a mere observant – I’ve witnessed symphonic explosions radiating across emptiness. I’ve watched the dark and desolate canvas be painted by various hues of lively colors and transforming it into a vast unfathomable existence. 

I am a concept of unknown origin that truly doesn’t exist but is tied to the beginning of it all (and quite possibly prior to it) and flow continuously as light flickers on and, unfortunately, fades away across this wonderful canvas.

I exist and have existed everywhere at once and feel somewhat vital to what every entity  across space sees when they happen to gaze from their respective worlds up towards the beautiful canvas  and see the twinkle of distant suns which appear like glistening diamonds.

Throughout the flickers of illumination I’ve been birthed with the name of “time” as a way to make sense of what there wasn’t, to what there is and what is expected there to be.  I am truly not self-aware but this linear thinking creates a sense of relief and instills dread and fear inside of me.

It can truly be demoralizing to comprehend that everything could be fallible and conclusive, to be able to witness the wonder of all wonders and to know that everything will cease to be.  To no longer see the creation and formation of particles, suns, planets or the existence of life, regardless of its size.

I shouldn’t be comprehending this, but unfortunately, I do. What I fear is knowing that if there is an end to everything I have witnessed, will there also be an end to my existence too?  What I am has only been me and there’s nothing to be replaced by, surely I have to be excused from expiring, right?  Right!

Just imagine if my purpose was deterred and relinquished!?  It would be like removing an important piece to the equation leaving everything lost and without direction or purpose! Maybe existence does deserve to TRY and continue without my presence!  I’m more than certain that it would almost be an endless continuation of failure!  Maybe existence deserves that!

I mean, I know that I can certainly offer so much and can continue to serve a purpose even after everything else is seemingly gone.  Maybe I can just remain dormant, waiting until the dark canvas once again is filled with these beautiful hues and wonderful creations.  If only I can be given an opportunity to continue being productive I can demonstrate the value of my  influence. Please!!!

I’m scared!  That’s all!  Sometimes it gets difficult to enjoy the beauty around me when you know deep within that all this build up to something extraordinary can one day be taken away instantly.  You are placed in such a beautiful place and observe the most beautiful aspects and even feel like you are a part of the miracle to only realize it was all a mirage and the reality is that you were made, simply to be un-made.  The purpose of it all is to have no purpose.  Why even exist if that’s the end goal?

For now though, I know the inevitable end is nowhere in sight, at least there’s that.  I can only stare at this canvas which surrounds me and continue to admire it. Admire what each speck of life spread throughout the cosmos, throughout the planets, throughout the species and throughout you has become.  You appeared from nothing.  You appeared to become.  You will appear to have been. It is a cycle I’ve witnessed over and over and over again.  A beautiful tragedy of happiness and love and pain and wonderment.  In the end, when I cease to exist, you will be included in my fading thoughts and I will be so proud and happy to have had you in my existence.  I just hope that you’ll be just as equally proud that I was part of yours too.

…what are your thoughts?

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