Wandering Mind Written Down

The beauty of dreams is that they can either be fun, sad, strange or straight out scary.  In my opinion, the best are those which inspire hope…while the worst are those scare you and scar you even years after you’ve had that dream or better yet, nightmare.

I had this particular nightmare years ago…sometime in 2000.  Being that this occurred so many years ago I find it strange that I still remember everything that happened in it.  What has continued to stump me is not only what took place within that dream but how it ends.

So here it goes…

I begin this particular dream walking down the street of some city’s downtown…I’ve tried to figure out where this particular downtown could have been but after all these years I can safely assume that it was a city created in my mind.

At first glance there was nothing special about this city’s downtown area; people were passing by, cars driving in each direction, a cool breeze could be felt flowing through the streets.  It was, for all intents and purposes, a beautiful sunny day.

I walked for what seemed to be three blocks…looking at stores that I would pass by and enjoying this peaceful stroll around this unknown downtown.
By the end of the third block I decided to head towards a different direction instead of continuing straight…by impulse, I opted to turn right.

As I began to look around, expecting to see the similar trend of stores to lose myself into, I noticed that the scenery and landscape had chage.  Instead of the bright daylight…it was gloomy and dark.  Instead of the cool breeze…the air felt hot, humid with a mixture of sulphur and lead.  Instead of cars passing me by…they were scattered across the street as if frozen in time and all were battered and disfigured by what appeared to be bullet holes and casualties of explosions.  Instead of people walking by…what were once living human beings were now littered corpses laying throughout the street. And instead of a blue cloudless sky…all I could see above me was a red skyline and artillery explosions illuminating the chaos below.

I stood there, scared…unsure of what to do.  I tried to return back to the previous street but it was nowhere to be found.   I looked around and noticed that whatever was happening to this version of the city had destroyed the great majority of the buildings which adorned the streets.  Some portions of the streets were flatland while others appeared like mounds…debris piled over each other.

Off in the distance I could see…or make out what I believed was a small house or a cottage.  From my view, it appeared to have a bright light shinning at its front porch.   Still unsure of what I should be doing, I decided to head toward that small house with the bright light.

I hiked through and above the rubble passing by what I assumed were soldiers fighting one another.  They were too engaged in their combat to even pay attention to me…but I still did my best to avoid being seen anyway.

As I continued to push onward towards the small house, I realized how I had already traveled half the distance to it within a very short time.   The porch light now appeared even more brighter than before.   Exit from this madness seemed to be coming along a lot sooner than later.

I tried my best to keep my gaze toward that small house, avoiding to look at the dead scattered around.  I was almost successful too…but it was at times too difficult.  Sadness and grief seemed to become overwhelming while seeing how many lives had been lost.

During, what now seemed to be feel, this long stretched trek I came face to face with what appeared to be the only full standing building around. But it wasn’t the building that caught my attention, it was what was inside the actual building.  

The structure appeared to be that of a school…inside were more than one hundred children screaming and asking for help.  At the entrance of the school was a locked gate with multiple chains snaked around, ensuring nobody would be able to get inside the school or out.

At that same gate I saw a little girl motioning and signaling for my help…all without uttering a word.  I looked around, trying to find a way into the school in order get all those kids out but the walls to the structure were higher than what a standard elementary school walls were.  

As I tried my best to figure out a way of helping those children I began to hear a high pitched whistle coming from the blood soaked sky.  It was to dark for me to see what was making that sound but the children inside the locked school apparently knew what it was.   They all began running towards the locked gate frantically begging for me help them out.

And then I realized what that high pitched whistle was.

Within seconds, loud explosions rang across the school…structures imploded and toppled over the whole area.  Body parts flew over the wall falling mere feet from were I stood.  Fire broke out around areas where some of the children at one point stood.  The little girl at the gate was now clutching the bars of the gate…I stared as the intensity of the heat and fire around her began melting her once pretty face.  I continued to stare as her body gave in and she finally dropped to the ground.

I turned away in horror…crying.  Even though I knew deep inside me that this was only a dream, I knew that outside of my dream I was actually crying.

I stumbled away from that scene, shaken up by what I had just witnessed.   I knew it was time to escape this Hell and the only way “how” would be by reaching the small house with the bright porch light.

As I turned to it I realized that it was no longer closer than where it was before…it now appeared to be as far away as it was when I first had spotted it.  No matter how fast I ran to it, I never seemed to be able to reach that safe haven.

And then I awoke.

Again, this is one the few dreams I can still recall today…having woken up with that sense of dread and sorrow and anguish and pain can leave a mark in your psyche. 

Am I glad that I can still recall this 14 years later? No…not really.  But even today, I wonder, what would have happened if I had reached that small house with the bright porch light?  What would have happened if I would’ve broken down that gate somehow?

I may never know the answer to those, or any other questions I may have about this dream or nightmare or whatever…but at least you can frankly assume that I’m just crazy.  Guess that’s just the beauty of our dreams…they can go crazy with or without our help sometimes…lol.

Stay tuned for more…

Alberto M.